I'm Not Queer for Your Entertainment

Today, October 11, is National Coming Out Day. In celebration of this day, I want to share a few reflections on coming out and my personal experience as a gay man.

My coming out journey began in college when I was 19. It was January 2005 the first time I told a friend of mine I was gay--almost 12 years ago. To put that in perspective, Barack Obama had just been sworn in as the junior senator from Illinois, same-sex marriage had been legal in Massachusetts (at the time the only place in the USA with marriage equality) for less than a year, Meet the Fockers was at the top of the box office charts, and Mario's "Let Me Love You" was in the middle of a nine week run at number one on the Billboard Hot 100 Singles Chart.

An AOL Instant Messenger conversation with a good friend of mine about Angelina Jolie and Justin

Timberlake helped pave the way for me to open up about my sexual orientation. Over the next few years, slowly but surely I would come out to more friends and family members, eventually telling my parents and sister shortly before my 24th birthday, this time thanks to the help of bigoted Alabama State Representative Jay Love and Miss USA 2009 runner-up Carrie Prejean. (It's a long, but funny story for another time.)

As a teenager, it was really hard to imagine coming out. I just didn't think it was possible. It took a long time before I could imagine myself in a relationship with a man and living my life as who I am.

• I was told by a family member I looked like a faggot for painting my nails purple for school spirit day in high school. I felt sick at my stomach and immediately removed the nail polish, and toned down my spirit day participation.

• I was told another family member they would rather have one of their family members be dead than be gay, because they would be going to hell anyway. I can still tell you what I was wearing and what I was doing when this moment happened. I don't think I will ever forget those words or that feeling.

• Another family member told me after an alarming epidemic of LGBT kids committing suicide that they wouldn't have had to resort to that if they'd had God in their lives. Besides the ridiculous notion that an LGBT person cannot be religious, there was such a complete lack of empathy for these tortured kids.

That's just a small sampling. And, I would say I've probably had it easier than a lot of people who grew up in similar environments. 

As I've gotten older, I've learned to be much more comfortable with myself. But, there are still horrific things that happen to LGBT people all over the world. One problem that has been bothering me a lot lately is the consumption of LGBT people for entertainment.

I know far too many people who enjoy shows like RuPaul's Drag Race and Will & Grace yet they don't support basic equality for LGBT people. We exist solely as entertainment in some minds. If you can't laugh at us, or make fun of us, you don't want anything to do with us.

You don't deserve enjoyment at our expense while not loving us and supporting us. It doesn't work that way. You can't laugh at drama filled drag queens while being disgusted by two men kissing or making degrading comments directed at trans people.

So much homophobia and transphobia boils down to a lack of empathy. LGBT people are human beings. We deserve love and respect just like anyone else.

My hope is that it continues to get easier for LGBT people to come out, and that their family and friends support them and love them unconditionally. I'm lucky to have friends and family members who love and support me. Some people in my life still need work, and need to open their minds and their hearts. I'll keep doing what I can to change people's attitudes in my own way.

I also hope straight and cisgender allies will take the time to think before they speak. Remember that your actions and words have consequences, and you never know who could be listening. You never know who around you is struggling and looking for support. Don't be the reason someone is scared to come out.

Show your support when you can. It means much more than you'll ever know. Sometimes it can even save a life.

Check out the Human Rights Campaign's many resources on coming out as gay, lesbian, bisexual, trans, or as an ally or supporter: http://www.hrc.org/resources/national-coming-out-day